Tales of a First Time Mom: A collection of all the crap the baby books didn't tell me. Some gross, some funny, all absolutely true.

I was having a baby, so naturally I read every single baby book on the market. I had to. I needed to prepare myself for the journey ahead.
Besides, reading those books are like a pregnancy right of passage - Read the book and instantly graduate to perfect pregnant woman and perfect mommy.
Boy was I wrong. I did learn a ton from the books - Don't get me wrong. I just wish they had granted me a better sense of reality when it came to certain things like the impossibility of shaving my legs with a giant pregnant belly in front of me, or the fact that I wouldn't be able to sit comfortably on my sofa for a solid 30 days.
Seeing as I didn't know any of those funny or gross facts about pregnancy, labor and motherhood I figured it's not fair for other women to suffer and not know them also.
So here it is ladies. All of the stuff I learned along the way. Don't worry.... I won't be boring you with thousands of pages of do as I say mommy text. I've just given you a simple, quick, Sunday afternoon read.