The Life of Fears: Dissociative Identity Disorder

Healing from DID is intensely humiliating. Everything about it seems like a contradiction. DID is a survival mechanism. Without the identities created to cope, we would not have survived childhood. Therefore DID is supposedly considered a gift. Yet the very gift that helped you survive childhood is the very same thing that threatens to destroy you when the time comes for healing. And healing comes at the time in your life when you find a place of safety. At that time in life when you finally find a sense of freedom, a freedom to experience life as life should be. A time in life that you are so intensely grateful for, where you are so aware of the opportunities to experience that you have never had before. A time in life where you are aware your life has never been better. A time in life where the past can be the past. Except, the more you heal the more you become aware of the past and what it really entailed. Except the more you heal the more you realise how little control you have over your life. Where the more you heal makes you appear mentally ill. Its humiliating to witness, humiliating to experience and a state of being that is a simultaneous experience of excitement to live and desperation to die. Two opposing contradicting emotions where the only way to survive is by learning to disengage from yourself.